...And Dennis Dugan owes me 13 hours and 23 minutes

I am just having the worst of luck with movies. However, this is clearly self inflicted pain because I can't imagine what I was thinking in seeing the "comedy" I Know Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.

Where do I start? Lets go with the director Dennis Dugan. This guy has never! NEVER! Never made a funny movie. It started with Problem Child and never got better. His career is littered with crap like Beverly Hills Ninja, The Benchwarmers and the upcoming You Don't Mess With Zohan. Take a look at the trailer and ask yourself, does this really look funny? Is there a real possibility of humour in the films' obvious storyline?




I hate to blame an actor for a movie, since there are so many others involved (screenwriters, producer, director etc.) but clearly Sandler just doesn't get it. He has no interest in being in quality films, he'd rather be in ones with the easy laughs. Anytime he is in a film that doesn't go for the easy laughs, they are usually good films. The three I have in mind are Punch Drunk Love, Spanglish and Reign Over Me. None of these films are all that taxing for Sandler, they are certainly in his range...but his resume is still littered with too many Anger Managements, Little Nickys and 50 First Dates.

My next issue is regarding Sandler's co-star in the film Kevin James (you know him from King Of Queens). Once again, he is the best part of a film that spends too much time with a more famous co-star. His first big movie was Hitch, starring Will Smith. James' character is a hapless loser who uses a romance coach in order to woo a sexy society woman. THAT storyline is interesting and was funny. But we also are forcefed Smith's story about having to woo Eva Mendes complete with physical humour such as him accidentally kicking her off a Sea-Doo and him having a ridiculous reaction to a seafood allergy.

With Chuck & Larry, James' storyline is about a widowed father of two who is forced to extreme methods in order to have insurance to protect his kids if anything happens to him in the line of duty (he is a fireman). All the while still mourning his wife, keeping all of her clothes and not wanting anyone to sleep on her side of the bed. THAT storyline is interesting. But instead, we get a movie that mainly focuses on Sandler as a womanizing fireman forced to pretend to be married to James in order to help James with his insurance issues.

The most disarming aspect of the movie is that one of the writers listed is Alexander Payne (you know his scripts for Election, Sideways and About Schmidt). His contribution was actually an early screenplay for Chuck & Larry. According to some websites, Payne has since criticized the film calling it "Sandler-ized".

A note on two of the secondary characters, first Jessica Biel as the couple's lawyer Alex McDonough. Her character is supposed to be smart enough to be a lawyer but dumb enough to ask Sandler's character (who she believes to be gay) to touch her breasts to convince him they are real.

Even worse, Rob Schneider as a japanese minister who marries Chuck and Larry. Why the asian community is not storming the production company that made this film is shocking. Schneider, who is part filipino, gives the most embarrassingly racist performance since Mickey Rooney as Mr. Yunioshi in Breakfast At Tiffany's.

Wow, I forgot Ving Rhames is in it as well. Clearly he owes a lot of people money and that was the only reason he would take on this film. His performance as a large firefighter who decides to come out of the closet because of Chuck & Larry is just uncomfortable for anyone to watch.

Top 5 Ving Rhames films
1. Out Of Sight
2. Pulp Fiction
3. Mission: Impossible
4. Rosewood
5. Dave

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Not that I have been paying attention this season, but since American Idol was doing Neil Diamond week, I decided to watch. Wanting to see these amateur singers taking on Neil Diamond's greatest hit would be a complete train wreck as Neil Diamond is one of those singers who makes it look easy but would be tough to sing like.

But instead of some 21 year old warbling to Love On The Rocks...we got the gift that keeps on giving in drunken (?) judge Paula Abdul. The singers took on a song each and the show decided to have the judges discuss how they all did the first time around. A confused and freaky haired Paula Abdul commented on one of the contestants two songs. When the audience started laughing and Randy Jackson was looking lost, they finally explained to Paula that, in fact, they had only done one song each. Enjoy the footage of a completely lost Paula Abdul trying to cover up.




This is not as good as her meltdown on a local FOX affiliate from a couple of years ago...that is still my favourite.



Sometimes I wonder whether Paula and FOX is in on the joke regarding her demeanor or not. Take a look at this commercial spoof featuring characters from another FOX show The Simpsons on American Idol. Take a look at Lisa Simpson's version of Paula Abdul.



And since it was Neil Diamond week on American Idol...here are the Top 5 covers of Neil Diamond songs.

1. Red Red Wine (UB40)
2. Kentucky Woman (Deep Purple)
3. I'm A Believer (The Monkees)
4. Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon (Urge Overkill)
5. Solitary Man (Johnny Cash)

If you are a Neil Diamond fan, you may be shocked to know he is NOT in the rock and roll hall of fame. That's right, one hit wonders like Percy Sledge and Gene Vincent are in, but Neil Diamond is not. There is currently a push to get him elected in. Feel free to sign the petition here.